Insert a "Your Mom" Joke Here

This blog isn't intended just to be a soap box for my thoughts on everyday sexism, it just turns out that my life is filled with it as of late.

Long story short, Peter Mackay sent out Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day messages to staff at the federal justice ministry. He thanked mothers for their work as care-givers, “chang[ing] diapers, pack[ing] lunches,… tak[ing] care of an aging loved one… and think[ing] about dinner.” He thanked fathers for being public servants and “dedicated fathers, shaping the minds and futures of the next generation of leaders.” Full text of the letters (where those quotes come from) can be found here. 

So much has been said on the topic. The CBC, the National Post, the Globe and Mail and other news sources have all written and done stories about it. Which is great. They’re talking to experts and representatives of women’s groups and mothers and fathers, but let me give you a little perspective from a single, childless woman.

My father did so much to mold who I am. He is a strong force in my life and always told me I could be who I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. I could lead anyone and any project I wanted. He also used to drive me to school on occasion, make dinners and lunches, tuck me in, sing me to sleep and be a general caregiver.

But you know what? My mom did all of that too. As a strong woman in my life, my mother shaped who I am and did the same for my brother. She told me that I should never settle for anything less than what I wanted. She pushed me to take chances and follow my dreams. She also drove me to school on occasion, made dinners and lunches, tucked me in, sang me to sleep and was a general caregiver.

It’s an insult to both of my parents to suggest that they are just one thing and did not share in my upbringing and the shaping of my mind and my desire and drive to be a leader.

Beyond the insult thrust at my parents, here is what that note says to me as a young public servant: We aren’t looking for female leaders.

And you know what? I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think the department set out to send that message. I don’t even think Peter Mackay set out to or meant to send that message. I think they’re looking for leaders regardless of gender, cultural background, and age. But in a world where words mean everything and casual sexism is a plague on everybody’s house, I’m surprised no one saw this coming. It’s a lazy throw-back to cultural stereotypes of women and men and somebody should have said something before those messages were delivered.

Someday, life willing, I will be a mother. A proud mother. And regardless of who my husband/partner is and what he’s done with his life, I expect we will share the child-rearing, care-giving, leadership training, and decent-human-being developing roles in our child’s life. Women are leaders and everyday women shape leaders and I think anyone with a mother or a woman in their life can attest to that.